i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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