Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
