i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship