My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face