escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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