True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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