Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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