Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in