Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
