im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate