Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  but she's really nice

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  (301): She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds. (301): but she's really nice http://tfl.nu/144l
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (426)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other

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  (302): it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other http://tfl.nu/yidf
  Replies (19) Good night (2399) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Booty call?

  (310): View more from California

  Dude you don't even follow my twitter

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  (323): Booty call? (310): Dude you don't even follow my twitter http://tfl.nu/5q8u
  Replies (15) Good night (583) Bad night (2565)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.

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  (815): It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/1u0t
  Replies (14) Good night (2568) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail

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  (919): The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail http://tfl.nu/0pa7
  Replies (30) Good night (742) Bad night (6773) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  In America we eat man semen.

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  (210): In America we eat man semen. http://tfl.nu/5eyy
  Replies (33) Good night (3100) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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  (845): I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt. http://tfl.nu/j6pk
  Replies (9) Good night (535) Bad night (2419) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like

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  (571): On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like http://tfl.nu/th56
  Replies (10) Good night (843) Bad night (4504) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

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  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4907) Bad night (3151)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.

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  (604): Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him. http://tfl.nu/v9q2
  Replies (16) Good night (4068) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?

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  (516): I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you? http://tfl.nu/jwce
  Replies (6) Good night (2659) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

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  (603): Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight. http://tfl.nu/r24v
  Replies (16) Good night (2003) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte

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  (845): I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte http://tfl.nu/yyhp
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (504)
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  (209): View more from California

  Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?

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  (209): Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2? http://tfl.nu/78yk
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles

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  (808): Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles http://tfl.nu/r6w3
  Replies (8) Good night (831) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt

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