Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

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  (630): She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her. http://tfl.nu/01f3
  Replies (12) Good night (5783) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"

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  (774): all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you" http://tfl.nu/p8m9
  Replies (19) Good night (2247) Bad night (5904)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (8385) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4186) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

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  (276): Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you. http://tfl.nu/pes1
  Replies (7) Good night (2918) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

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  (240): Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders? http://tfl.nu/9s8f
  Replies (15) Good night (4782) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.

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  (859): We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints. http://tfl.nu/0ly1
  Replies (5) Good night (3353) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

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  (252): i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no. http://tfl.nu/99ae
  Replies (8) Good night (1857) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement

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  (503): You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement http://tfl.nu/tqdd
  Replies (2) Good night (524) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.

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  (575): Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier. http://tfl.nu/k0qx
  Replies (6) Good night (640) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need Jameson.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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  (540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1352) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause

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  (781): I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause http://tfl.nu/iz9t
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.

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  (443): I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up. http://tfl.nu/vhgn
  Replies (1) Good night (778) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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  (306): He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/1jgc
  Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (274)

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