just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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