i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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