Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
