You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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