Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
