Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
