i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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