my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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