apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
