If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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