Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
