Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
