You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
