Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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