So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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