What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
