Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
