I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
