Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ok first of all what the fuck
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
