i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
