U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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