My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i barfeds in our rink
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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