I think im going to throw up on grandma
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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