Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
