Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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