sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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