If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
