last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
