now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
