do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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