He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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