Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
