I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
