so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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