trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Less talking, more tequila
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
