the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
