I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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