And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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