i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
