You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
