somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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