Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
