When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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