What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
