If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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