why didn't you poke me back
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
