just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
