He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
