I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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