Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
