you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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