so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
