She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
