i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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