Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
